He said, "you need to write." Sit down, start writing and see what I come up with?
It has been so long since I have written...so long in fact, that I have left my job, started a new challenging career in the public sector. I am no longer driving the 49cc scooter as my primary means of transport. Though...I will admit I am driving a '96 Ford powerstroke with 281K miles on it. Hey, it has heat and four tires and we've known each other since I was a teenager. His name is Chuck. Chuck the Truck.
It has been so long since I have written that I have lost my religion. I have paid off two very large debts that I worked on for years. I've moved twice since I last updated this blog and I am a year away from being halfway-to-sixty.
I'd be shocked to find anyone still reading this, since my entries have all but fallen off but if you are reading this, know that I am the happiest I have ever been.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Friday, November 16, 2012
Excitement or Anxiety?
The last few years have been a combined effort between HE and I to clean up the big messes we thought we could just leave behind. Our "affair" came at a high cost, and now...we are on the brink of having that paid off.
Riding the scooter has been one of the most humbling day-to-day tasks I endure, because it is not luxury by any means. I love to smell the air as I drive passed the Bourbon grill on Colfax, or down 13th by Liks Ice Cream Shoppe. I get to look at the sky, because on a scooter, your vision is not limited by a roof, visors, or the dashboard. In the cold months, I do a lot of carpooling and public transportation. Both of which, are also very humbling.
As the transition becomes more and more challenging, so does my attitude. I want to feel excitement instead of the feeling of dread that something new is going to pop up and make life difficult again. With a huge financial burden about to be lifted, a big office move in the forecast, and a possible new direction professionally within my company, all the wheels are spinning and there is no way to get off of this ride. Life is changing, with or without me.
HE and I will be taking this next year to discuss our future. Our dreams, aspirations, and relationship goals. For the first time in our relationship, we won't simply be reacting to life; we'll be determining what we want from it.
It has gotten very tiring, looking over my shoulder, and unavoidably worrying about the bottom falling out of either of our lives. It's pretty tough to pull the plug on a woman who has already lost everything and in the midst of it, found a love that is so beautiful and graceful that it brings me to tears at times. Yes, life has been hard. I have worried for years that Germany was the best year of my life, and would always be. But as I get older, and with my ten year reunion coming up, I find the memories of my Deutschland excursion are fading and new ones are replacing them.
I have lines on my face that didn't exist four years ago, and weight around my ass and midsection that can only be justified by stress and my proclivity to libate. If a girl can't go on a Caribbean vacation, then she should be allowed to drink until she no longer knows where she is... right? That probably explains my overall exhaustion, nah...it must be something else.
As the familiar feeling of anxiety comes and goes, I remain hopeful that the feeling I have is actually excitement, a long missed friend. Once this fear, dread, anxiety is fully replaced by excitement and determination, perhaps I will remind myself once again that I want this life to be a massive success. I want to smile, to dance, love, sing, write and play. I suppose I'll work too, but that is only to support what I really want to do :)
Halfway to fifty is now over two years old, and I'm writing more for myself than anyone else. IF you stumbled upon my rant, feel free to leave a comment. A nudge, an encouraging word. God Bless.
Riding the scooter has been one of the most humbling day-to-day tasks I endure, because it is not luxury by any means. I love to smell the air as I drive passed the Bourbon grill on Colfax, or down 13th by Liks Ice Cream Shoppe. I get to look at the sky, because on a scooter, your vision is not limited by a roof, visors, or the dashboard. In the cold months, I do a lot of carpooling and public transportation. Both of which, are also very humbling.
As the transition becomes more and more challenging, so does my attitude. I want to feel excitement instead of the feeling of dread that something new is going to pop up and make life difficult again. With a huge financial burden about to be lifted, a big office move in the forecast, and a possible new direction professionally within my company, all the wheels are spinning and there is no way to get off of this ride. Life is changing, with or without me.
HE and I will be taking this next year to discuss our future. Our dreams, aspirations, and relationship goals. For the first time in our relationship, we won't simply be reacting to life; we'll be determining what we want from it.
It has gotten very tiring, looking over my shoulder, and unavoidably worrying about the bottom falling out of either of our lives. It's pretty tough to pull the plug on a woman who has already lost everything and in the midst of it, found a love that is so beautiful and graceful that it brings me to tears at times. Yes, life has been hard. I have worried for years that Germany was the best year of my life, and would always be. But as I get older, and with my ten year reunion coming up, I find the memories of my Deutschland excursion are fading and new ones are replacing them.
I have lines on my face that didn't exist four years ago, and weight around my ass and midsection that can only be justified by stress and my proclivity to libate. If a girl can't go on a Caribbean vacation, then she should be allowed to drink until she no longer knows where she is... right? That probably explains my overall exhaustion, nah...it must be something else.
As the familiar feeling of anxiety comes and goes, I remain hopeful that the feeling I have is actually excitement, a long missed friend. Once this fear, dread, anxiety is fully replaced by excitement and determination, perhaps I will remind myself once again that I want this life to be a massive success. I want to smile, to dance, love, sing, write and play. I suppose I'll work too, but that is only to support what I really want to do :)
Halfway to fifty is now over two years old, and I'm writing more for myself than anyone else. IF you stumbled upon my rant, feel free to leave a comment. A nudge, an encouraging word. God Bless.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Cabin Fever
Since I'm sure no one reads these anymore, and I don't blame you; it's been forever. I'm just going to write as though I'm keeping tabs on myself. Maybe in the future I will want a reminder of what I was doing on March 9, 2012...doubt it though.
The transition to the new company is going...well, somewhere. We are still switching out servers, fixing black listed email servers, working on rebranding, and of course watching over our shoulder for a big hairy monster.
Two nights ago I had a full body panic attack complimented nicely with a bit of seizing action. I'm glad it wasn't at Red Rocks for a Kings of Leon concert, or Dave Matthews, or on a softball field where some of the other occurences have happened. Poor HIM, he had no idea what was going on, and I'm sure he was just as sore from my seizure as I was. PULL IT TOGETHER WOMAN!
San Jose was beautiful, and very rewarding for a work trip. A reminder of why I do what I do was a long time coming. Now, I can't stop thinking about getting a coaching certificate...need that money first! Can you imagine...Shatzi coaching?
The transition to the new company is going...well, somewhere. We are still switching out servers, fixing black listed email servers, working on rebranding, and of course watching over our shoulder for a big hairy monster. Two nights ago I had a full body panic attack complimented nicely with a bit of seizing action. I'm glad it wasn't at Red Rocks for a Kings of Leon concert, or Dave Matthews, or on a softball field where some of the other occurences have happened. Poor HIM, he had no idea what was going on, and I'm sure he was just as sore from my seizure as I was. PULL IT TOGETHER WOMAN!
San Jose was beautiful, and very rewarding for a work trip. A reminder of why I do what I do was a long time coming. Now, I can't stop thinking about getting a coaching certificate...need that money first! Can you imagine...Shatzi coaching?
I wish I could leave work today, and go for a skate....I'm aching to enjoy some sunny weather. Another seizure perhaps?!
Friday, October 7, 2011
How to "Bum out" a bum
As I waited in line for a movie, there was a couple with a stroller and a third, male adult standing at an ATM.
I had quit smoking, but damn I needed one. So just as the third party with the family lit a cigarette, I took a deep breath and walked toward him to ask politely if I may break my "no smoking" policy and have one of his cigs. As he pulled out his pack of Broncos, and reluctantly said, "I guess..." when I asked him if I may have one...it occured to me: "He isn't with that family, he is a homie getting ready to hit them up for cash once they are done at the ATM!"
Smart homie as he may be, he had me fooled into believing he was with the family. I got a free smoke, and because I distracted him- he was unable to beg them for money.
I had quit smoking, but damn I needed one. So just as the third party with the family lit a cigarette, I took a deep breath and walked toward him to ask politely if I may break my "no smoking" policy and have one of his cigs. As he pulled out his pack of Broncos, and reluctantly said, "I guess..." when I asked him if I may have one...it occured to me: "He isn't with that family, he is a homie getting ready to hit them up for cash once they are done at the ATM!"
Smart homie as he may be, he had me fooled into believing he was with the family. I got a free smoke, and because I distracted him- he was unable to beg them for money.
This has been your first lesson on "Bumming out a Bum"
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Lost my Keys?!
This morning started like any morning...I woke up, looked around, closed my eyes and willed the time to change back 5 hours so that I could stay snuggle wrapped in our blessing of a bed. I reluctantly got up, Carpe Diem! After really dolling it up this morning, and taking every minute I needed to get ready, I found myself scouring the house for my keys frantic and running out of time. I always put them in my purse or on the counter in the kictchen right as I walk in but I couldn't find them.
Looks like I'm taking the train...I look at my watch...
DAMN! The train just left. I call a cab to take me to the transfer station where I can catch the next train and hopefully make it to work in time.
I was surprised to be picked up by a long haired hippy. He had a lot of questions about my scooter. (you know the one without the keys?) I started to get a little uneasy since he was asking so many questions and now he knows where I live... He began to tell me that he only drives the cab two weeks a month until his school money comes in, and then he doesn't work. Also, he lives off of $1300 a month. He goes on to explain why that is good since our dollar isn't worth anything anymore and he can live off of very little. "The EU doesn't want our money, no one will accept our money for oil, we are going to implode." Have I mentioned, I HATE TALKING ABOUT THIS KIND OF THING?! I have gone over it and over it in my head. If it happens, I will still have a purpose, even if it is altered...but I am late for work, can we talk about something else?!
The cab comes to a stop, I get my change. I wish him "Good luck after the collapse" and he reassures me he will be fine since he can live on so little. ...yeah, me too...
As I walk over to the ticket machine to get fare for the train, I think to myself, "He must think I'm a total jerk for taking a cab to catch the train...which is cheaper." Once I finish the thought, it dawned on me that he'd be understand since he, too, is an economical genius.
I haven't ridden the RTD in a while, and I noticed a musty smell that I did not remember. Mouth breathing it is... I applied mascara and eyeliner before I got to work, without the wind smearing black streaks across my face which tends to happen on my scootie.
As I listened to Pele on the iPod and reflected, it dawned on me! I left my scooter keys in the bathroom in the garage!!! Oh relief! You sweet sensation...
A recap of when I lost track of the keys:
I ran into the garage restroom after moving my scooter inside last night, I looked around, but NO bath tissue so I turned (leaving my keys on the sink) and ran upstairs. Who puts a bathroom in a garage anyway? Of course it wouldn't have tissue, no one uses it!
I can hardly wait to get home and find my keys waiting for me :)
Looks like I'm taking the train...I look at my watch...
DAMN! The train just left. I call a cab to take me to the transfer station where I can catch the next train and hopefully make it to work in time.
I was surprised to be picked up by a long haired hippy. He had a lot of questions about my scooter. (you know the one without the keys?) I started to get a little uneasy since he was asking so many questions and now he knows where I live... He began to tell me that he only drives the cab two weeks a month until his school money comes in, and then he doesn't work. Also, he lives off of $1300 a month. He goes on to explain why that is good since our dollar isn't worth anything anymore and he can live off of very little. "The EU doesn't want our money, no one will accept our money for oil, we are going to implode." Have I mentioned, I HATE TALKING ABOUT THIS KIND OF THING?! I have gone over it and over it in my head. If it happens, I will still have a purpose, even if it is altered...but I am late for work, can we talk about something else?!
The cab comes to a stop, I get my change. I wish him "Good luck after the collapse" and he reassures me he will be fine since he can live on so little. ...yeah, me too...
As I walk over to the ticket machine to get fare for the train, I think to myself, "He must think I'm a total jerk for taking a cab to catch the train...which is cheaper." Once I finish the thought, it dawned on me that he'd be understand since he, too, is an economical genius.
I haven't ridden the RTD in a while, and I noticed a musty smell that I did not remember. Mouth breathing it is... I applied mascara and eyeliner before I got to work, without the wind smearing black streaks across my face which tends to happen on my scootie.
As I listened to Pele on the iPod and reflected, it dawned on me! I left my scooter keys in the bathroom in the garage!!! Oh relief! You sweet sensation...
A recap of when I lost track of the keys:
I ran into the garage restroom after moving my scooter inside last night, I looked around, but NO bath tissue so I turned (leaving my keys on the sink) and ran upstairs. Who puts a bathroom in a garage anyway? Of course it wouldn't have tissue, no one uses it!
I can hardly wait to get home and find my keys waiting for me :)
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Woman on Top
PERVERTS!
I am talking about my career! For any of you who have known me for any length of time, you know that I have ridden the proverbial rollercoaster with my current (and previous) position.
 |
| Eat... My... Shorts. |
This month has been a fabulous month for me professionally. I have said thanks for my job at least 20 times this month, just because I wanted to burn the place down in the past and leave in a ball of fury. Then of course, it would have been like a couple of other positions and I would never have admitted it- but held a grudge from afar just so I wouldn't have to take responsibility for my actions. Instead, I talked myself into "sticking it out" and it has come to this....my life might be changing. I have made multiple power moves in the last six months that have finally materialized into corporate relationships. I landed the largest homecare company on a HUGE contract, for which a portion has already been paid. Here is what I plan to do with my first commission check of substance:
- Scooter Service
- New Side Mirror/Blinker for my Scootie
- Visit to the eye doctor and new glasses (mine are five years old and have been sat upon at least 5 times)
- I'm am getting a bank account! PLUS SAVINGS!! I know...I'm impressive
- Replacement cell phone (if I am going to keep paying for the iphone plan I want the phone)
- I have two gifts that I need to get for my someone special but he is a regular reader...sorry beeb
- Then...if there is anything left over- I might just get a Pillow Top (I even have a BB&B coupon!)
So...about the whole "woman on top" thing...I am used to losing (sales term for not making as much revenue) to the men that I work with. This has been classic across the board. I was a heavy hitter, contender when I was working in Insurance, but I worked for the love of my life and would do anything he asked. I worked to make him proud...
Now, I am not only beating my fellow Representatives, but I am beating the director of national accounts, whose title I have chosen not to capitalize because I am a lousy stinking winner :)
I better revel in it now, because if he catches back up next month then who will have egg on her face?!
Please leave comments with all of your congratulations...HA!
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Matt & Kim
"and in the daylight we can hitchhike to maine
i hope that someday i’ll see without these frames
and in the daylight i don’t pick up my phone
cause in the daylight anywhere feels like home"
i hope that someday i’ll see without these frames
and in the daylight i don’t pick up my phone
cause in the daylight anywhere feels like home"
I have never been to a show with the kind of energy that Matt & Kim bring to the table. I have read a lot of reviews on their act, and conclude that haters will always be just that....HATERS! Kim has a smile plastered on her face through the whole show. Only two minutes in, and I was asking my guy if he too thought she was a Cheerleader in a former life. Matt is equally enthusiastic, but there is something about Kim that just gets ya. I have never seen two people make that much noise, throwing balloons for everyone to fill and bounce around, making the men take off their shirts and helicopter them over everyones' heads...what a SHOW! Kim spent just as much time standing on her Bass as she did beating it up. They rallied their fans throughout the entire show, and kept the energy max'd out.
I wore heels (of course) so my legs were screaming by the end of the show, but I could not help but smile through my exhaustion at the pure excitement of the concert. It is even more special since they love Denver so much...Kanooty told us we'd love it, and we are still talking about it. GO SEE MATT & KIM!
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