A Whale's Vagina

San Diego is a new home.  More specifically, I could set up camp in La Jolla and never look back.  I have always been a Colorado girl, and I even found a special place in Germany that held my heart for years after I had left.  San Diego was my pace immediately.

I have to admit, I made fun of California, and more importantly Californians for years before I had ever even been.  All of that changed over the course of this last weekend.

I saw wild seals within 20 minutes of getting off of the shuttle from the airport.  Hundreds of them, and I couldn't stop running up and down the beach yelling at them.  I'm sure they were totally confused, and the "seal calls" didn't bring them any closer to me.  Fail.  Well, partial fail because I saw them, my whole goal of kissing their cute lips probably never would have happened no matter how hard I tried.

Sea World, despite the constant worry that it is criminal to have those animals in captivity, was amazing.  I was inches away from WHALES which I had never seen before.  I could have touched the seals if I weren't afraid, dolphins, sea otters (one of my favorites), I held a starfish, pet the bat rays.  I saw and did more in one day than I could have ever imagined.

He and I met with his colleagues after a nap on Sea World day.  They were all at a local Mexican restaurant and they were already tuned up at 10 pm.  So "tuned up", in fact, that the bar had cut them off an hour prior and they were still dancing their asses off.  He and I drank margs until we were caught up.  We went to a club, yes that's us...at a club.  I danced and sang, and drank until drunk.  I smoked hookah with Armenian drug cartel across the street, and then we stumbled down to the sandy beaches of La Jolla.  Gravity being my biggest challenge (due to excessive amounts of Tequila) I slowly made it down a cliff face to find the most beautiful private beach I can imagine in all of existence.  I played in the ocean, fell in the ocean, swam out of the ocean, for hours.  My jeans were soaked, and I was so drunk and cold I made my way back to the hotel in my underwear.  Good thing Sherry told me to buy some, normally I skip that step...any hoooo

Toe Mahs tattoo'd my peacock on Saturday, for four hours.  I can't believe that I have as much left on this piece as I do.  It is beautiful, but every time we work on it, I realize how much there is left .  30 hours in, and I'd be willing to bet we have just as much left to go.  Dear Lord...what have I gotten myself into?

Perhaps another trip to San Diego.... :)

XoXo,
Schatzi

This was the first picture I took in San D.  Coincidentally, it was the last.

Animal Lover

After spending all day at a BBQ on Saturday trying to get His co-workers' animals and children to like me, we finally arrived home exhausted and ready to relax.  But alas, His dad came over.  As he walked in, he made note that the neighbor was outside with her cat...who had just been hit by a car.  I couldn't leave her out there, no one was helping her.

When I was a kid, our great dane puppy, Mindy, was hit and killed by a car while she was running across the street after a stray ball.  I remember the neighbor putting her into a garbage bag and her body was still trying to get a breath.  I will never forget how painful that was.  I was a kid, and she was my puppy, and to me she still looked alive...but the neighbor knew better.

Since the incident with my poor puppy before I was even 6, I hadn't seen a dead pet.  I wasn't sure how helpful I could be with this poor girl.  The cat was moved by a good samaritan and she was just sitting on the curb waiting for animal control.  *Note: they do not pick up dead animals, it is your responsibility, so don't wait three hours like we did*.  Once we found out that we had to take care of it ourselves, I let her know it was going to be in her best interest to say goodbye and I would clean up the mess and put the cat in a box for burial.  I have NEVER picked up a dead animal, let alone bag it, and put it in a box.  I scrubbed the street with soap and water so that the reminder of her worst nightmare wouldn't be on display daily on her way to work. 

It dawned on me the whole time she was apologizing to the poor dead animal that they are put on earth for us.  Easy PETA, all I mean is that we make them happy by taking care of them, loving them, and letting them run around.  The cat doesn't blame my neighbor, he was happy, and now it's over.  I was reminded that it's okay to cry, but don't cry for the cat...cry for yourself.

Overall, I surprised myself.  It had to be done, and it wasn't my "turn" to breakdown.  It is amazing what we can do cool as a cucumber when we are pushed to the limit.

Blueberry is in heaven now, and he'll wait for my sweet neighbor to join him.  She will fall in love and have her heart broken a dozen more times before she gets there.

Urban Evolution

As a Colorado native, I pride myself on being able to identify local restaurants, animals, plants, and yes...even bugs.

I was having Happy Hour with Lib when she was in town last, and I noticed a curious bug on the wall.  First I was bewildered, and after a moment I was almost offended that I had never seen such a bug before.  For all intents and purposes, I'll name the bug Skip.  Skip is a boy bug.  He was probably related to the praying mantis, because of how long his legs were.  He sat still for us to examine.  Skip looked like a French Fry!!   It dawned on me that living things have been adapting to their environments since the beginning of time to keep them safe from their predators.  Other examples of camo bugs would be the leaf bug, and the walking stick.

What is to keep a perfectly buggy looking bug from turning into a bug that looks like a french fry that you find under the seat of your mini van? 

That thought led me further down the rabbit hole... What if our urban pests all started to look like their surroundings.  Perhaps a bug that looks like a cigarette butt will be the first evolutionary urban freak bug to cause an inner city plague!  There are cigarette butts everywhere, no one likes to pick them up, and a bug that looks like a cigarette butt might be the safest bug in the world.  If I were a bug, I would be a cigarette bug and I would dominate.

A Life Without Challenge...

IS NO LIFE AT ALL

I'm tired.

Tired.

So Sleepy.

Sixteen hours of work in one day, with four hours of sleep in the middle before another 8 hours of work, an hour in the gym with Snowball.  The good news is, I can walk upright again without fierce pain radiating through my legs.  I don't work at 3014 again until next Sunday, hopefully I'll dominate like I did this Sunday.  Cody made $300 on Monday...I wish I had been in on that!

I sat in my bathroom this morning at 2:30 a.m. when I arrived at home from my long day and I thought to myself about all of the excuses I have made in the past.  All of the half-assery, jack-assery, and mediocrity that I accepted in my life over the last few years has no appeal any longer.  I worked 16 hours, and all I have to show for it is money.  A direct result of my effort, in hand.  But...what if I worked harder?  How much more money could I have?  How much more definition in my arms if I pushed harder in the gym?  How much healthier can I become by doing what I already know to do?  I realized that the amount of time I had on my hands, was preventing me from succeeding because I spent more time THINKING than DOING!

A perfect example of what a person can accomplish with their time: after the recreation center on Monday with the kiddos, I needed a nap.  I mean, I took one and didn't even realize I had been sleeping.  I was SO tired that when I woke up, I didn't know what day it was, what time it was, when I had fallen asleep or what my next move was supposed to be.  I stumbled downstairs to find that He had painted an portrait of his mother while I napped.  While I slept, He created something beautiful. 

I have not challenged myself enough the last few years.  I have allowed myself to be challenged by the ish that has been thrown at me, but I haven't chosen and accepted my own challenges.  My new list:

-Quit Smoking (done)

-Work Out 5-6 times a week (which I hate to do, but I'm starting to love the result)

-Get a second income

-Start writing again (hence the blog)

-Go to RRC every Sunday

-Alcohol Time-Out

So far, I'm succeeding.  We all slip up, I had a shot with a group of patrons who paid me entirely too much for my lousy pours.  I also had a margarita for Labor Day. 

It's time to live life.

I don't want life to live me.

XoXo,

Schatzi

Can you make a Mind Eraser?

The answer, as I'm sure you are well aware, is NO! 

"..a fuzzy"
NO
"...a slippery"
NO
"...a dutch"
NO

I can pour a beer.  Make a margarita.  Vodka and anything.  Gin and anything.  Rum and anything.  That's how I roll.  As Cody puts it, "Here's a shot of Jameson, pretend it's a red-headed slut and shut up about it."

I slept 4 hours each night of this three day weekend.  I worked every night since Thursday, and still managed to take the kids to the park, go to Church, a birthday party and the recreation center.  If I wasn't a champion before, I will be soon.

I ran the swanky downstairs bar solo on Sunday night...my first shift off of training and it was packed to the gills from 7-2.  After cleaning up, Cody was cutting the tips, and he just kept laying that money down, ONE FOR YOU- ONE FOR ME...until I couldn't believe he still had cash in his hands.  I made a half of a week's worth of flow in one night...am I tired?  Yes.  Is it worth it, YES!

I'm operating on a whole new level now, and the world couldn't possibly be ready for my Tuesday night shift, right?  See you on the patio!

XoXo,
Schatzi

Ba-har tender

Yesterday was a big deal.  For multiple reasons.  I saw two dear friends that I haven't seen in far too long.  An old work colleague who moved away stopped in to see us last night from Seattle.  Denver smilied so brightly for him last night on the roof.  We were all glad to have him home. :) 

What up D-Tron?

I started at the bar last night, and everyone migrated from the house to the new locale for a night cap.  It's a great lil spot with two outdoor patios, and a beautiful indoor bar.  Everyone seems like they are my pace, so if I just go a little faster, then I should be able to turn my bartending stint into a lucrative means to getting a car.  I know I'm tall, but I really want a cooper, even an older one...dumb?  Or an old muscle car...or a hot rod...

I am a sleeper.  So the obvious sacrifice that I am making for this new jobby is sleep.  I don't have a greater hobby, and that is sad sad sad.  I work out now, and I thought a second job would be another great way to use my time responsibly.  Last night when I got home from "work" I couldn't fall asleep!  My favorite thing to do, and it was eluding me for over two hours, WHY?!  Nerves?  Adrenaline?  His big legs on my side of the bed?  Who knows, but I'll tell you this, I will be in bed before 11 tonight my friends. 

Drinks I learned how to make:

• Cosmo (I know, shame on me right?)
• 3014 Signature Margarita

My physical trainer, Michael Snowball is killing me in the gym.  I have never felt so good, and so bad at the same time!  I have muscle definition in my arms that I have never seen before.  I have more energy, and now I sound like a commercial.  Michael Snowball is a genius.  Marines are mean, know this, and they don't care how long it has been since you have worked out...if you can't keep up- they'll leave you behind, and the Snowball is no exception.  He has me bench pressing, doing twist curls, planks, flutter kicks, hammer curls, skull crushers...I just keep waiting for the new "THOR SMASH" or "THUNDER LIFT".  I don't know what those things mean, but the workout lingo seems very aggressive for the lifting we are doing.  I guess it is better than "child pose", or the "tree pose"...ugh I can smell patchouli and sage already.  Sorry Yoga buffs, I think I'll stick to the gym rat metal and save all of the pillows and mats for bedtime.  Snowball would be so proud.

Labor Day Weekend.  Three words that have never meant so little as they do this year.  I'll be working...toward a brighter future, and a new pair of shoes...

Be safe comrades, the heat is on

Two "E" Words that Terrify Me

Most of us have fears.  Spiders.  Clowns.  Heights.

Personally, I'm afraid of the first two, but more importantly I'm afraid of two concepts that start with the letter "E".  Any idea what they are?

As a Christian, born and raised, lost and re-found, couldn't prove it wrong no matter how hard I tried- I have always had a hard time not only wrapping my brain around but also not freaking out about the one thing that all Christians are planning for...any ideas yet???  Eternity. 

Don't get me wrong, I hate change.  I will tell you I accept it easily, but I don't even like it when my colleagues get their hair cut.  (Not that it stops me from changing my appearance on a weekly basis)  But the thought of spending an eternity doing anything will bring me to tears.  Have you ever been so scared of something that you will literally block it out?  I have been blocking out the word eternity since I was old enough to pray.

Things I have learned about Eternity:
- I won't understand it until I'm there
- It's going to last forever, I better start finding more hobbies before I get there
- I'm taking my banjo.

The second word that really gets me going is Economy. 
"Now, c'mon Schatzi, what could you possibly know about economy?" 
Well- I've been laid off because of "downsizing" and "outsourcing".  I have downsized to a scooter, not proud to say it.  I have gone without.  Slept on a couch.  Slept in a car.  Re-homed very beloved pets.  I have done everything short of beg on a corner to "survive" the economy, yet never have I, nor will I apply for Unemployment.  My father has made it very clear that I'm not allowed to apply.  Don't worry Dad, I'm not even going to argue.  Now I find myself considering a part time job to marry with my full time job so that I can weather the current economy, hell...I'd like to come out ahead.

Things I have learned about the poor economy:
- There are only a few people left that are willing to go out and make it happen, now is my chance
- While jobs are few and far between, qualified candidates are fewer...
- No one is above a lay-off
- I'm not as cool as I once was.

What are you afraid of?  Conceptual or Eight Legged, I wanna know...

-Schatzi

A New Day

SEPTEMBER is gonna be amazing.

He won a trip at work, and we are going on an all inclusive trip to San Diego for five days.  I want to see dolphins, seals, and order room service, Eggs Benedict!  We are meeting a handful of amazing people there, and I am so excited I could jump out of my skin.  So, in preparation- I have started a strict regimen of self tanning, so that I can have the technique down before I go (so far I'm challenged).  I have purchased a very cute hat that will look great on the beach, I am working every possible minute that I can so that my PTO racks up faster, and I haven't taken a day off in fear that I would deplete aforementioned PTO. 

Fortunately, after a few scuffles, He and I are back on track and we have made it through the notorious month of August.  You did know that more relationships end in August than any other month, right?  Thanks to Emm, I had a place to stay and get my mind straight when we had our case of the August's.  We're back on track, and stronger than ever.  :) 

While we're in San D, I'll be sitting down for my sixth session on this sleeve project I started in January...oh the pain is not so easily forgotten. 

26 hours in, and last time during my first color session I thought I might have reached the tap out point.  I started it though, and fortunately I have fogotten how much it hurts.  I've decided that it's merely a few hours of pain to work toward the completion of one thing that I started.  I consider the other arm regularly, as though I could handle it.  A sea scape would be pretty though...  Since I now have an entire arm covered in art, it doesn't really surprise anyone that I would get another...and another...and another.  I no longer have tattoos, but have turned into a "tattoo'd person" as He tells me.  If life wasn't hard enough already, now I have have a big damn tattoo, and I'm working with seniors.  Which brings me to my next thought...

I'm starting to think that a second job might be in order.  It's not that I don't just love my scooter, it's just well...a scooter.  It isn't going to truck through the snow, and it is getting colder every morning.  I am considering bartending to save for a secondary mode of transportation.  The thought of having a job to supplement a career is pretty scary.   It has been a long time since I sold something as cheap as a beer.  I was asking Emm today if she thought I'd be any good at it.   I'm worried people won't like me!  I have been on the phones too long or selling through email.  I wonder if I could email you a beer...

I had a date night with Him last night, so it's near impossible to not feel like a million bucks today.  We saw The Other Guys and it was very funny.  I wore a dress, and a flower in my hair.  We kissed during the movie.

I'll end on that note.

:)