Almost over Halfway to Fifty

Birthdays always get people thinking.  We get excited about the cake and presents when we are young, drivers licenses at 16, emancipation at 18, the big 21 to start torturing our liver, and then...things start to change.  I remember with each birthday I felt a sense of further accomplishment, like I was becoming more credible with each year that passed.  23 sounds better than 22, and so on. 

The reason I'm writing this is because I had my first "Oh my gosh, I'm about to have a birthday," feeling this morning as I drove to my office.

(Side note: My mood is always affected by bad weather, and when there is little sun, I become a bit of an Eeyore)

My thought, as I charged through the rain on my scooter this morning was, "Why am I about to turn 26, and I have so little to show for my eight years of adulthood?!"  I am riding this scooter, that honestly is about to fall apart.  I'm waiting for one screw to fall out and the whole kit to crumble beneath me.  Thank God I'll only be going 23 MPH when it happens.  Almost getting hit for the umpteenth time, and being yelled at to get my "ugly ass out of the way" by a very beautiful woman hurts.  It's hard to ride the scooter, but every single time it rains I have to worry about how I am going to get home, or get to work safely.  When it is cold I dread the 35 minute commute to the point where I consider calling into work and using some paid time off, to just sit at the house and wait for the rain to clear.

I really want something to make me feel special.  Like maybe my ugly ass isn't in the way, or even just make my ugly ass feel a little prettier.

Maybe once in my life get my makeup done at a department store and get colors that match.

Get my hair done.
I'd like to get some new clothes.
I would like to go on a real vacation, no business, no one else's agenda.
A pedicure perhaps?  Manicure?
Some sort of nice treatment...to feel like a girl.  I feel like a scooter riding, ragamuffin.  There is nothing to get dressed up for.  No where to go. 

I have my faith.  I have love.  I have a job.  I have friends. This is about the girlier things in life that I miss :( 

I just want to feel special and have the money (from my job) to afford something pretty or fancy every once in a while. 

While I used to really like birthdays, my 26th is coming at me bittersweet.  I know that it means nothing to people around me, because let's face it, we all have birthdays.  Nothing special about me, who also has one.  But I have lost more than I have gained in the last few years, and would like to feel like that pretty 22 year old who spent the time and had the money to get the occassional pampering.  I'm sick of feeling like a boy, I vaguely remember what it felt like to be treated delicately.  I guess 26 is a more serious age, and I've had enough years to mess things up.  Maybe this will be my year...but....

Today- I am kind of puny.  I guess I'll watch the rain fall and wish that I could afford some glamour in my life.

Homely yours,
Schatzi

It's the end of the world as "they" know it...

I've read, heard, and thought about a lot concerning the May 21st fiasco, and I think I'm finally ready to write from my headspace what I THINK about it all.

A few things struck me as concerning while talking about the potential apocalypse, and what would happen afterward.  If you (the reader) do not already know this, you will forever more know that I am a Christian.  A follower of Christ.  I chose this only after denouncing my faith as an adult (seventeen year old know-it-all) and trying to create happiness through everything else on earth.  Money, drugs, "love", alcohol, sleep, food, etc.  Once invited back to church it was a game-changer for me.  I needed direction, and it had been there all along.  A place of peace, and a message of hope and love that I can carry with me everyday that will not change during times of distress, familial turmoil, dating woes, money complications, or any other horror story we live through day to day.

For those of you who do not believe, I do not blame you- because at one point in my life, I also did not "buy it".  I've heard the questions "Why do bad things happen to good people?"  "Why would a loving God not take everyone?" "What about the people who die before the rapture, will they never have a chance?"  I cannot answer these questions, as I am under qualified.  He has shown me loving-kindness and I see him do the same for people around me daily who are incapable of counting a single blessing.

Now that I have that out of the way, it's time for me to tell the world just how I feel about being scoffed at as either one of the "idiots", "good kids", "saved ones", and all of the other names I have heard of referring to the believers that would in fact ascend should the apocalypse happen.

Fact one: (for non-believers this might come as a surprise) Christians are not brilliant.  They are not perfect.  They are not even all that good.  They just believe in something that is bigger than they are (Jesus) who served more people than I could ever hope to serve.  I'm still not all that good most of the time, but I know where I get my strength to try to be better...

Back to "Christians not being brilliant"- it is important to know that the man (Christian) who predicted the rapture was in fact, an idiot.  If he knew his text, he would realize that the rapture has been promised to happen like "A thief in the night".  In other words, God has promised that no one will know when it is going to happen.  After all of the publicity that guy created, don't you think it would be dumb of Good Ole' God to throw in the towel on all of the other promises he has made, and just let 1/6 of the world population know about it?  Unfortunate example of another one of us boneheads trying to tell other people what to do instead of just showing faith.  I am not putting my retirement into billboards, I'll tell you that much.  I don't even want to scare you into salvation.  Perhaps, if I'm lucky, I will make a positive impact in the lives of many regardless of their religious preference.

For those people who boasted "End of the World Parties" (to which I was invited to ZERO) I hope your hangover was bad on Sunday...not nice?  That is the human in me, not the Christian.
Newsflash: People have been predicting the end of the world- since the beginning of the world. (See previous post re: Signs of the Times)  It is in our nature, and not at all surprising that we spend so much of our time trying to predict something that is completely unpredictable.  Now, we still have to get through the Mayan calendar disaster, but after this last big let down, I think I'm going to spend less time caring about stock market predictions, the rapture, the economic crumble, massive earthquakes, burning man, and coronary heart disease, and start to worry about the stuff that really matters.  Let the Good Lord take me when he will...it just better not be too soon {{{shakes fist at sky}}}

I truly, would have been miffed had it all ended, because I have so much I still want to do with my life.  Please stop comparing me to you and you to me.  I am just a girl who believes in a good God, and hopes to be better tomorrow than I am today.

HE discovers a way to passenger a skateboard companion

This weekend redefined family outing, bonding, teamwork and tenacity.  My guy discovered that with a very long longboard and his 20+ years of thrash experience that he could, in fact, passenger a smaller companion at the front of his board as he skates.

First he tried it with the older of the two girls, the seven year old- who quite frankly, will try anything with a smile on her face and with no hesitation for posterity.  The younger of the two, however, is prone to digging in her heels whenever asked to do something.  (*NOTE: She will even resist if you are telling her to do something in her own favor, like, "Take this popsicle," or "Here, play with your new toy," she simply will not comply. 

I think after seeing her big sister do something SO cool, she wanted to try...and after a small crash, and a minor scare- This is the end result...

I watch this man skate hard, because he's amazing, and loves to show me how good he is at stuff.  Let's face it...every girl wants to see how impressive her guy is.  Every guy wants his girl to see him at his best.  But now to watch him as Skate-Dad, I have an even higher appreciation for the love I have for hisself.

Oooh la la.

Sunburn Bloody Sunburn...

As a Sweed/Kraut my skin is a nice peachy pink most of the time, unless I have been working diligently on a tan- which I have not.  Having a full appendage tattoo'd really prohibits the amount of sun exposure I am willing to get...I would hate to ruin the color on my bird, with the goal of browning for a season...though....

Saturday was a scorcher.  HE and I slept in, until 9!  Yes, big deal.  A weekend without the kids which was just a last minute arrangement for Mother's day meant that we had all weekend to play, well, like big kids!  We met with Dad in Arvada at arguably the coolest park I've ever been.  We played 18 holes of frisbee golf on the same frisbee course where my dad almost lost his ear.  *In the short time since his attack, he has managed to heal so well that you can hardly see a scar.  If you are going to get stiches- I recommend the ER at Lutheran*  I love to learn new things, but often buckle under pressure.  Playing frisbee golf with two advanced players, and having people both ahead of me to keep up with, and behind me pushing me to go faster really put the pressure on.  Naturally, I choked.  Second hole and my frisbee was down the ditch and sunk to the bottom of the creek bed.  In Arvada the water in the ditch doesn't run clear, I wouldn't drink it and I was hesitant to get in to retreive my poor shot- but alas, I took my shoes off, rolled up my jeans and got to it.  Second shot went straight down the creek about 50 feet and sank to the bottom yet again.  I got a 2 over par on that particular hole, and bombed it straight into the creek on hole three before asking my dad for a little assist.  He was able to give me some pointers that helped me maintain an even 1over par on each hole.  By the 17th (one of the holes has been taken off of the course due to innocent by-standing cars) Dad was 4 over, HE was 5 over and I....was at a solid 19.  Ugh.  Frisbee gets me again.  Thanks to Dad, I improved after the first five holes, but the damage was done at that point....oh and the meltdown on hole 17 was measurable.

Afterward we enjoyed lunch at Little Anitas before heading back to the house for a three hour skate session.  What a joy to do something that I'm increasingly good at!  I mean, I'm pushing all over the city, and only improving on my carving.  Dad got a call, and was notified it was time to get back to work.  After three weeks of time spent- it was time to get back on the road, but this time together will leave a mark in my heart for the rest of my life.  It is never too late to spend quality time with Dad.  I'm so happy about that time spent, I reflect regularly on it.

After Dad said goodbye to HE and I, I had a few minutes to clean up and get ready to go watch our friend race out in Erie.  He has been training for about three months for the novice motorcycle flat track races.  Ben and the amazing Deb own a clothing and screen print operation here in Denver and have been dear friends with my guy for years.  I'm fortunate to call them pals myself.  Though, one unfortunate evening, after drinking too much- I threw up in his Screen Print dryer...not one of my prouder moments- but it was years ago and I'm hoping they thought it was someone else... or perhaps they forgot after Kitty escorted me curbside to deal with my fate.  *Loser*  Anyhooo- Ben won both of his races, which made our entire day complete.  Frisbee golf, mexican food for lunch, skateboarding, motorcycle race and of course...the SUNBURN.

Now, my shoulder feels like a saddle and I'm fairly certain I did permanent damage due to the almost immediate brown freckles that appeared on my right shoulder.  Don't judge.

Talkin bout my best friend!

Bear with me, this one is going to start slow...

Yesterday morning, I was so happy to be home, and even happier to come home to scooter weather!  I think I had an open mouthed grin on my way to work, until I hit York- that is...

My scooter is a 49cc Kymco, with one mirror, a broken tail light, and a nice tag on the side of the tank from a kind neighbor of mine in the Five Points area.  It was stolen a year ago and painted with flat red spray paint, the drips cover most of the body.  It's a beaut.  I'm not sure if you know this, but 49cc is not a lot.  Also, a V8 engine is much bigger- there is your auto lesson for today. 

As I turned from Colfax onto York to start my southward trek, an impatient commuter in a beautiful Jeep Grand Cherokee (the V8) started to rev up on the tail of my scooter.  The speed limit is 30MPH and since it was a hill and I had just been stopped at a red light, I was trying to gain speed to hit the limit.  He impatiently sped around me after honking and almost hitting the back of my scooter.  He cut so close as he pulled in front of me, I had to hit my breaks.  He sped around the next two corners only to be caught at the next red light, where I pulled up behind him.  I honked my horn and he opened his door and I asked, "What is your problem?!"  He said, "If you can't keep up with traffic get off the road you fucking dipshit, people have places to be!"  He endangered my life, which made me so angry- but shortly after his hateful words, tears started rolling down my cheeks and blurring my vision.  How could someone be so mean?  Don't you think I'd rather be driving a beautiful new Jeep?  Nah...I prefer my tagged up, spray paint dripping, lawnmower engine, mirror missing, stolen and recovered scooter that goes 32MPH tops.

As I cried all the way to work, I reflected on the difficult transitions I have gone through over the last three years.  I'm so glad that my ex is out of my life, because of the pain he caused- but I had nice things too before that all went downhill.  I had a job where I made great money, pets, furniture, designer clothes, and a beautiful car. 

Maybe if roads should be labeled by social status, I wouldn't have inconvenienced the important man who needed to get to the next light before I did.  He could have avoided my loser 30 MPH commute if he had taken the highway where lowlings like myself cannot imagine driving.

I wonder if he thinks I got up, got dressed, hopped on my scooter in the chilly weather and went slow just to annoy him.  I'm just trying to keep a job.

After crying all day over the injustice, posting on Craigslist and being flagged, and freezing on my way home- I was tapped.  When my guy got home, we commiserated for a while over money, work, my commute, his ever-increasing work responsibilities and I decided...it is time to go for a skate.

We picked up the boards and hit the pavement.  Since there wasn't a baseball game, we were able to skate the parking lot all the way to the hill (which he made me go down twice from heights I had never tried before).  I got the speed wobbles a little bit, which got my heart pumping, but pushing around Denver on a longboard after a horrible day is better therapy than a bottle of Jack.  We skated the sidewalks of Lodo's before arriving at Biker Jim's for a dog and a Strongbow.  We stayed well past dark reading the Onion, laughing and remembering just how good we have it- since we're going on four years and the love only grows the longer we are together.

That only began our night on the streets.  HE showed me how to drag my foot to slow me down, and we bombed the hill by our house about 8 times.  Once back in the house he introduced me to the Arctic Monkeys and we drew up skateboard ideas for an hour or more.  Ideas flying and chemistry permeating the room, I forgot about the woes of the day and realized, yet again...that I am one of the luckiest girls alive.

I live with and love dearly my best friend.  I fell asleep in his arms, right where I belong.