Almost over Halfway to Fifty

Birthdays always get people thinking.  We get excited about the cake and presents when we are young, drivers licenses at 16, emancipation at 18, the big 21 to start torturing our liver, and then...things start to change.  I remember with each birthday I felt a sense of further accomplishment, like I was becoming more credible with each year that passed.  23 sounds better than 22, and so on. 

The reason I'm writing this is because I had my first "Oh my gosh, I'm about to have a birthday," feeling this morning as I drove to my office.

(Side note: My mood is always affected by bad weather, and when there is little sun, I become a bit of an Eeyore)

My thought, as I charged through the rain on my scooter this morning was, "Why am I about to turn 26, and I have so little to show for my eight years of adulthood?!"  I am riding this scooter, that honestly is about to fall apart.  I'm waiting for one screw to fall out and the whole kit to crumble beneath me.  Thank God I'll only be going 23 MPH when it happens.  Almost getting hit for the umpteenth time, and being yelled at to get my "ugly ass out of the way" by a very beautiful woman hurts.  It's hard to ride the scooter, but every single time it rains I have to worry about how I am going to get home, or get to work safely.  When it is cold I dread the 35 minute commute to the point where I consider calling into work and using some paid time off, to just sit at the house and wait for the rain to clear.

I really want something to make me feel special.  Like maybe my ugly ass isn't in the way, or even just make my ugly ass feel a little prettier.

Maybe once in my life get my makeup done at a department store and get colors that match.

Get my hair done.
I'd like to get some new clothes.
I would like to go on a real vacation, no business, no one else's agenda.
A pedicure perhaps?  Manicure?
Some sort of nice treatment...to feel like a girl.  I feel like a scooter riding, ragamuffin.  There is nothing to get dressed up for.  No where to go. 

I have my faith.  I have love.  I have a job.  I have friends. This is about the girlier things in life that I miss :( 

I just want to feel special and have the money (from my job) to afford something pretty or fancy every once in a while. 

While I used to really like birthdays, my 26th is coming at me bittersweet.  I know that it means nothing to people around me, because let's face it, we all have birthdays.  Nothing special about me, who also has one.  But I have lost more than I have gained in the last few years, and would like to feel like that pretty 22 year old who spent the time and had the money to get the occassional pampering.  I'm sick of feeling like a boy, I vaguely remember what it felt like to be treated delicately.  I guess 26 is a more serious age, and I've had enough years to mess things up.  Maybe this will be my year...but....

Today- I am kind of puny.  I guess I'll watch the rain fall and wish that I could afford some glamour in my life.

Homely yours,
Schatzi